Ten Black Roses
by SnapeEvans
Summary: Post War. Draco wanted to go back to school because he couldn't bear being at home. Seeing that not just he was pretending to be alright, he tries to cheer up the only person who would curse him right on the spot giving a chance.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

He had watched her over the years. Watched her every step she made while walking through Hogwarts. He had seen her happy, had seen her sad. He didn't know why he was so interested in her. Why he cared if she was happy. Didn't know why it bothered him when she was sad. Over the years, he was most of the times the source of her anger, sometimes even of her sorrow. However, he didn't know why it concerned him now.

He was redoing his seventh year, so did she. The war was over and the Dark Lord defeated. His father was imprisoned and his mother didn't want to leave their house. For him there was nothing to do and he didn't want to see his mother while she was curled up like a ball in her own bubble of misery. Therefore, he thought it would be the best thing to redo his year. To do his N.E. and after leaving school to lead their family business.

While sitting at breakfast in the Great Hall, the second term had begun after the Christmas break, he looked over to her, watched her while she was laughing with the She-Weasle and not sensing that someone was watching her. The boywonder and Weasle didn't came back. Rumours were spreading, that those two were already in their Auror training and didn't need their N.E. because obviously they helped defeating the darkest wizard known.

Draco though about the bushy haired witch at the Gryffindor table. He thought about the things she went through. How she was tortured in his own house, by his own aunt. He thought about the lose they faced during the battle of Hogwarts. Sure, he lost a few people to but no one that really mattered to him. That Crabbe died in the Room of Requirement was his own fault. Still it haunted Draco. The war marked him as well as everyone else. The new students that had arrived didn't know what the sixth and seventh years were through. Nor did the second and third years know because they were all evacuated before the battle begun.

How could the Gryffindor princess look so happy if not even a year ago, they buried their friends and family members? Or was it just an act so no one would see her sad? Draco needed to find out. Though he didn't know why, he simply needed to. Maybe it could help him to ease his guilt. He was guilty for so many things and he needed someone simply to tell him it is all right, no one blames him because every thing he'd done was to protect his family. His guilt was eating him out. At night, he couldn't sleep. Every time when he closes his eyes, he would see Dumbledore who would look at him with his grateful eyes and offer him protection so that he, Draco, wouldn't become a murderer at the age of sixteen. He would see the Room of Hidden Things burning and hear Crabbe screaming in fear. He wakes up in a pool of his own sweat, screaming at the celling. He always put a Silencing Charm around his four posters so that his roommates never hear him.

Snapping back to the present he watched as Granger was about to leave the Great Hall for her first lesson for the day, Ancient Runes. A subject that Draco also attend since their third year. He rose from the table and followed Granger to their first lesson for this day.

He couldn't concentrate during the class. He was thinking about a way to approach Granger so that she won't turn on her heel and walk away. Maybe asking her to help him preparing for their final exams? No, she wouldn't believe that cuz he was second best in their year. Asking her out wouldn't fit as well, there was too much hatred between them, even though, Draco had obviously changed. He thought about a simple apology for the past few years were he tried to make her life a living hell. Therefore, an apology it seems would fit best. Maybe getting down on a friendly basic? Draco didn't has many friends, those few he could count as friends didn't came back for the final year. It left Draco on his own.

Rearranging the words he would say to her, Draco waited outside the classroom for Granger. She stayed behind to talk to Professor Babbling about something. It took her fifteen minutes to come out of the room. She nearly failed to see Draco who was standing at the wall across the classroom.

"Granger", he said. There was no sneer in his voice. She stopped and looked his way expecting his smirk spreading across his face and waited for an insult he might kept back. However, when she looked at him, his expression was blank.

"What do you want, Malfoy?" clearly annoyed that she was not spared with his presence.

"Apologise" was all he said. He stayed at the wall, waiting for her to react. He didn't wait long. Her expression moved from annoyed to shocked to questioned. Clearly overthinking this one word, he said. He waited that her face went as blank as his did but the big question mark stayed firmly printed across her face. Draco sensed that she wouldn't ask she didn't _dare_ to ask, that left Draco with a lot to explain.

"I want to apologise to you for the past years for being a total git to you when we were younger."

Her bag fell to the floor and her eyebrows vanished in her fringe. She gaped, clearly wanting to say something but missing the words.

Draco signed. She wouldn't just accept his apology without further explanations.

"Look", he started, "we both have seen a lot for the past year. A lot that changed you, that changed _me_. I began to realize that what my father taught me wasn't right. To exist, to live long the wizard community _has_ to mix with non-magical people or half bloods or mud…muggleborns. We are _not_ superior just because we can do magic. I've seen how people were tortured and killed simply because they had a different view of the world. I saw how that big, ugly snake ate Professor Burbarge just because she expressed pro-Muggle views", he stopped looking at her, seeing how her brain began to work out everything he just said. He also hoped that she answered him, but was disappointed. She shut her mouth, her eyes not leaving him, waited that Draco would continue his explanation.

"When the battle begun, when I saw Crabbe dying in the Room of Hidden Things something within me didn't feel right. You saved Goyle and me even though we were the ones who started the fight. I didn't understand it then and I still don't understand it. Why border to save the lives of some school bullies? But I'm thankful that you did.

I saw people dying, fighting for hope and freedom. Something we wouldn't have if Potter hadn't defeated the Dark Lord. I saw people crying over their loss but they kept fighting till the end. When I walked to the Entrance, seeing those dead bodies, I hoped that I wouldn't see my mother within. When I saw my aunt dead in the Great Hall, I didn't feel _a thing_. I turned and walked away.

When my father was sentenced to a lifetime in Azkaban, I felt relieved.

When I decided to come back to Hogwarts, I thought that keeping my head in the books and study would repress my guilty conscience. However, I failed. I failed in so many ways.

And that's why I'm here, standing in front of you and apologising to you."

He waited a moment, but Granger didn't react at all. He thought that leaving her a few days to think about it without pressing an answer would be best, so he left her standing on the sixth floor without looking twice her side.

TBC

 _My first (na, second) English story. Thought about an OS but decided against._

 _Hope you enjoyed the first Chap_

 _SnapeEvans_


	2. Chapter 2

Hermione stood still for a few seconds, watching the wall were the blond wizard had stand. She felt like being hit with a _Stupefy_ , she was shocked from head to toe.

As she thought a few months back that, it would be best for her to return to school, she had hoped that none of the Slytherins of her year would return. However, when she saw Malfoy leaving the train with Parkinson on his arm, her disappointment was spread across her whole body. _Shit!_ \- she thought at that moment because of the lack of seventh year students the classes wouldn't be divided. All Houses would attend most of the classes together. Of course she had a few classes where she knew that no Slytherins would be in but most of the time she would have to face the slimy git.

And now, after she successful managed to ignore Malfoy for the past four months he _dared_ to wait for her. She thought that ignoring her didn't fit him and his made up apology was just that - made up so she wouldn't ignore him anymore. She simply didn't believe in his whole _I was through a lot of shit and it changed me_ – crap. Seriously, what was he thinking to apologise to _her_ of all people? Didn't he have better things to do? Like maybe, shagging Parkinson remaining brain cells out? But then again she thought about what Harry had told her about Dumbledores death two years ago. How Malfoy struggled to accomplish his mission. How he nearly cried because he knew if he didn't kill _he_ would be killed. He hadn't done it. He _couldn't_. Still... he let Death Eaters into the castle and risked the lives of innocent students and the staff. Then again, he did it out of fear. Fear that he could lose his mother.

Hermione sighed. Either Malfoy was sincere with his apology or he tried to distract her to a point that she won't be able to focus on her studies.

Maybe a good night of deep sleep would help her to rethink what she heard from Malfoy? With another sigh, Hermione went to the Hospital Wink to get a vial of **Dreamless Sleep Potion** which Madame Pomfrey hands to her occasionally when Hermione's dreams become unbearable to sleep through the whole night for more than two days. After that, she would go to lunch and chat with Ginny before going to her next class, which to her disappointment would be Potions.

After her last class – Charms – Hermione went downstairs to dinner. While sitting next to Ginny, her gaze searched the Great Hall and it was fixed on a pair of grey eyes watching her. She thought about dropping her face but the look on Malfoy's face kept her locked with his eyes.

She still expected to see his typical _Malfoy – face_ but the way he watched her was thoughtful, like he was not looking _at_ her but _through_ her. Seeming not hungry, Hermione excused herself and went off to the library.

While walking down the empty halls towards her favourite place aside from their Common Room, Hermione's thoughts went back to the blond wizard. _Was he sincere? Could she trust something,_ _ **anything**_ _coming out of his mouth? What exactly was he planning? Did he really plan to apologise to her?_ She felt like her head was spinning, she felt dizzy and could barely keep her balance. Hermione was still far away from the library and already out of earshot from the Great Hall. If she passes out now, no one would find her immediately. Feeling her feet gave away and cold stone, she passed out.

Sunlight tickled her nose. The smell of fresh flowers laid around her. Hermione hesitantly opened her eyes. She blinked two times and realised that she was in the Hospital Wing. _Why was she here?_ Sitting up she looked around, searching for the Mediwitch.

While looking for Madame Pomfrey she saw the flowers at her bedside table and a _Get-well_ card next to them. Picking the card up and thinking that maybe Ginny or Luna sent it to her; she opened it and read:

 _Granger,_

 _I hope you will be well soon and that not the things I said to you were the reasons to your condition. Don't think too much about it. I wanted to stay 'till you wake up but considering our past I don't think that it would be great if someone saw me sitting at your bed in the Hospital Wing. I hope to hear something from you concerning my apology. I was honest with it. I truly feel like shit when I think back to our past and how I behaved towards you,_ _ **especially**_ _you. Don't overthink it. Simply say what's on your mind about it. If you feel like talking, I'm all ears. Just owl me._

 _Get well soon._

 _DM_

Blinking rapidly, Hermione again felt like being hit with a _Stupefy_.

 _He had send her a card and flowers? He actually wanted to stay until she wakes up? What the_ _ **Hell**_ _was wrong with him? Or was something wrong with_ _ **her**_ _?_

"Oh good. You're awake", she heard Madame Pomfrey approaching her. Still looking at the card in her hands, Hermione heard herself asking, why exactly she woke up in the Hospital Wing.

"Mister Malfoy brought you in. He found you unconscious not far from the library. I actually thought that he brought you to this condition but then again he wouldn't bring you in, now would he? Moreover, not levitating you in front of him but carrying you _on his arms_." Madame Pomfrey shook her head while looking over Hermione and checking her. "You can go", the Mediwitch said, "breakfast will be served soon."

Nodding Hermione stood up, changed into her school uniform and headed towards the Great Hall. Now she had to thank Malfoy for not leaving her to her fate. _What was he up to?_

Entering the Great Hall, Hermione immediately searched the Slytherin table. Seeing that not much students had already arrived for breakfast – it was half past six – she saw that Malfoy was sitting all by himself. No one around him. Looking over her own table, she saw a few first years who were fixed on their food and wouldn't look up no matter what.

Inflating her lungs, straighten her body, Hermione made her way over to the blond wizard.

Draco nearly chocked on his eggs when he saw Granger approaching him. Looking up, he tried to look indifferent but couldn't keep it. Instead, he looked surprised.

"If you don't swallow you'll chock", said Granger. Draco closed his mouth, swallowed and tried to hide his obviously surprised face. Trying to get a grip on his behaver, he wanted to ask Granger how she felt but again felt his eyes widen as Granger made to sit on the bench across from him _at the Slytherin table_! _Was he still asleep? If he tried to pinch himself, would Granger notice?_ Not knowing how to start a conversation, Draco passed a plate with eggs and toast to Granger. Now it was her turn to look surprised. "Eat", was all he said before dropping his face on his own plate.

They ate in silence for about fifteen minutes before Granger spoke up.

"Thank you for not leaving me on the floor"

"Your welcome", said Draco without looking up. Silence fell upon them again before Draco found the courage to open his mouth. "How do you feel?", he asked. Still not looking at her.

"Better", she replayed. Again, silence. Hearing her inhale, Draco looked up waiting for her to speak.

"You said you're all ears if I want to talk" Draco just nodded, not actually trusting his voice.

 _What was wrong with him? And why does he react this way around_ _ **her**_ _?_

"I would like to talk" Draco blinked. Raising one brow.

"Now?" Granger, biting her lower lip nodded.

"Here?" She shook her head.

"Where?" He could see that Granger was nervous. Suggesting to meet at the Whomping Willow, Draco watched Granger heading to the Gryffindor table. Breathing out heavy, Draco didn't notice that he held his breath while watching her leave.

Nervously passing around the magical tree, Hermione wasn't sure if Malfoy would show up. If he wouldn't she'll be sure that he wasn't honest with his apology. If he would show up… _then what?_ Hermione had so many questions to ask that she didn't know where to start.

 _His whole view on the Post-War? His behaviour in the Manor? He clearly recognized them. But why didn't he say so? Why not really fighting them while they tried to escape?_

Hermione sat down on a stub near the tree, looking at her covered scar. Having nightmares about that incident that left her screaming in tears. She could glamour it but that won't make her nightmares vanish.

She always held her head up high, tried not to show her weakness. She was always bullied. Even before her letter to Hogwarts. She _was_ different. Always was, always will.

There was no point during her childhood that she felt accepted outside her house. Kids called her a freak because she could do things others couldn't.

Looking up at the sky, she thought about her first year in Hogwarts. How she desperately wanted to belong here but felt again that she wasn't accepted. Not before Halloween and the incident with the troll. That memory made her smile. That was the moment she, Harry and Ron became best friends.

Thinking about Ron made Hermione's stomach flatter. She was in love with him and while she was visiting them during Christmas, they slept the first time together. She truly could see her future with him. She had a crush on him for quite a while and tried to be patient with him. Even sneaking him on the Quidditch Team during their sixth year. And how had he thanked her? By kissing Brown. All right, he didn't really know that Hermione helped him on the team.

Thinking about their first kiss down in the Chamber of Secrets made Hermione smile again. But that smile disappeared immediately when she heard a male voice asking: "Thinking about me?"

 _Short…I think._

 _TBC_

 _Reviews?_

 _SnapeEvans_


	3. Chapter 3

Looking up, Hermione met light grey eyes watching her. Biting her bottom lip, she thought how to reply. Dropping her face Hermione looked down on her hands in her lap. She didn't know how to start a conversation, a proper civil conversation with Malfoy. Over the years, all she heard were a bunch of insults from the young man standing beside her. Watching her now.

And just yesterday, he apologised for being such a prat to her and her friends.

"You have questions I suppose", she heard Malfoy say. It wasn't a question, he knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't accept his apology without further questions. That scared her a bit but she didn't show it. Instead, she thought about with which question to start. She had a lot to ask. Millions of questions on her mind.

"Why did you apologised to me in the first place?" It was a simple question and a start.

Hermione looked up and saw Malfoy looking down on his shoes. _He had to_ _ **think**_ _about an answer?_

Malfoy put out his wand, melting the snow around them and drying the grass beneath the snow. Putting a Warming – Charm around them Malfoy made to sit on the now dried grass with his legs crossed.

Not looking up at her, he started to explain:

"After our fifth year when my father was sent to Azkaban and my freaking aunt escaped, V..oldemort thought it would be a great idea to spend his time at the Manor. My mother was not thrilled but Bella convinced her to let him stay as long as he wishes. You know that that summer I became a Death Eater?" He looked up and Hermione just nodded. Facing the grass again, he continued: "He sent me to a suicide mission knowing I definitely would fail. I did, thought, but by sneaking the Death Eaters into the castle pleased him so we could live on.

At that point, I was fully accepted to join every meeting they had. It was hard to act approving about everything they did during those meetings. Granger, they tortured and killed muggle children just for _fun_. It made me sick every time I had to witness. One day my freaking aunt brought a young girl into the Manor. She was around fourteen or fifteen years old. She had scars all over her body so my aunt had a go with her before bringing her in. Bella threw the girl in front of me and said I could do anything I had in mind with her. The girl was frightened and I thought at that moment I _had_ to bring her out of this. I surly knew I couldn't do it with everyone staring at me so I asked for a few minutes alone with her. The grin Bella had on her face was creepy. She maybe thought that I was about to rape that girl. When I dragged her out of the Drawing Room towards the dungeons she pleaded, cried. She didn't want to die. My heart, yes Granger I actually have one"; he looked up again seeing that Hermione had raised an eyebrow. He continued while looking at her: "it clenched in agony. I couldn't bear her crying so I silenced her with a charm. I brought her down to the dungeons cried out for Dobby, hoping that he'll still hear me. I loved that elf, he was always good to me…" He felt silent. Hermione saw the sadness spreading across his face. "If you'd like to visit his grave I could arrange something" she said. Malfoy looked surprised alongside his sadness. "His grave?" he asked, "you really buried him?" Hermione just nodded. Harry wanted to bury the elf that saved their lives properly. And he even did it the Muggelway. Malfoy didn't have to say it aloud but Hermione could see that he was thankful. Minutes past while they were just looking at each other.

"Anyway", he continued, "I was glad that Dobby actually arrived. I couldn't ask any other House-elf 'cause they would have reported me to my father. I told Dobby to bring the girl out of the Manor once Wormtail saw her. I later told my aunt I wasn't finished with her and would like to have another go. Later, once Wormtail saw her, Dobby brought her out and I wanted to _check_ on her and obviously didn't find her. Bella was furious, of course thinking that Wormtail either brought her out or killed her and disposed her body."

He felt silent again, facing the ground. Hermione saw that what he would say now was hard for him and he didn't want to look at her while telling her.

"And then Easter came" he swallowed hard knowing that whatever he was about to tell her now would be including her. Easter. They were caught by Snatchers and brought to Malfoy Manor. Hermione shivered looking down at her scar, which was thankfully covered by her clothes.

"The moment I saw you I recognised you. Of course, you tried to disguise Potter, but you and Weasley… I know right away that it was you three. "

He stopped and Hermione _had_ to ask that question. "Then why hadn't you said so? "

Malfoy looked up at her. That day came always crashing down on him once he closes his eyes.

"If I did then we would be again on Voldemort's good side. That's what my father said. However, I knew if I wouldn't lie now there won't be a chance that Potter could kill him. I struggled. We were punished, thought, cause my father did call him but by the time he arrived you already escaped. I went back to Hogwarts. Trying to fight those images of you. You lying on the floor at _my home_ being tortured by _my aunt_ while I just stand there and watched. "

 _He felt guilty_ , Hermione thought. Guilty because he couldn't help her at that faithful moment.

"It's not your fault", she said, "you couldn't help me without being tortured or even killed yourself. "

Malfoy dropped his face and didn't say something to it.

Minutes past without a word speaking between them.

"When you saved Goyle and me…I didn't understand why you did it but like I already said yesterday, I'm thankful for that. I was a complete asshole during our school time and you still saved us.

During the battle, I finally realised how _wrong_ my father was. How _wrong_ this whole blood issue was. People were fighting for the right things. Fighting while others around them were dying. Falling.

My heart dropped when Voldemort and the Death Eaters came out of the Forbidden Forest, carrying – what we all thought – a dead Potter. I thought that the last hope for peace was gone. I didn't want to go over but my mother called and I had to go. I was glad when Potter finally killed that half – blooded bastard. And then I saw the three of you standing at the edge of the bridge. Smiling. Happy that it was over. And so was I. "

Malfoy was struggling to find the next few words. They needed to be well chosen.

"I didn't know how to approach you once I saw that you, too, returned to school. I wanted to. _Badly_. Although I was cleared of everything I did, and so was my mother, I felt that I simply _had_ to apologise to you."

With the last sentence, Malfoy stood up and left a very confused Hermione behind.

Said was still sitting on that stub and again thought about that blond wizard. He truly felt like shit, she had to acknowledge that. And his apology was sincere. Hermione just _had_ to accept it. Maybe they could start at point zero? Starting new? But maybe simple civil conversations would also be nice?

Hermione just had to wait and see what will coming with that young Slytherin.

Draco went straight to his dorm. He didn't want to run into someone, especially not…

"Draaaacooo! ", he heard someone screaming. He knew that annoying voice. He just didn't want to face her. He knew he probably looked like shit after he blurred his soul out to Granger. He told her everything he wanted her to know.

Draco ignored that high-pitched voice of Pansy Parkinson, closed the door behind him and put a few charms on that door so Pansy couldn't enter. He lay down on his bed and thought about Granger. He sighed and rolled on his stomach. Of course he had classes to attend right now but the Headmistress told him at the beginning of this year that if there should be a day he needs to be alone because the nightmares – yes he told McGonagall about his nightmares – were so bad that he wouldn't be able to focus on his schoolwork, he could take the day off. He just had to tell his Head of House.

Draco sent a quick note, informing his Head that he would take this day off. Sitting again on his bed he thought about the previous conversation. Putting those blood-issues aside, he realised that Granger wasn't that bad to be around. No wonder Potthead and Weaslbee stuck to her like some puppies. He understood Potter, that boy wasn't dumb, but Weasley? He had passed his O.W.L.s but Draco had the slight feeling that without Granger he wouldn't have. She was smart, though, smarter than most of his fellow classmates. He once heard, years ago, when a teacher had called her the brightest witch of their age. She proofed that numerous times. She was a know-it-all but not without reason. Sometimes annoying, sometimes very productive. He would like to spend more time with her. He truly would. Lying down on his bed Draco closed his eyes. He didn't sleep well last night. The moment he saw Granger lying on the floor brought bad memories back. He had the worst nightmare that night. Madame Pomfrey offered him a poison but Draco declined telling he was a big boy and could handle a few nightmares on his own.

But last night….

He didn't want to think back to that nightmare. It was terrifying. Once again, he stood in that room in his home. A room he declines to enter since that incident with Granger. But in his nightmare, he had to. He saw Granger, saw her crying while Bella crucioed her. And then he was suddenly alone with her. She was still lying on the floor, crying, pleading with him to end her life. But he saw himself smiling, shaking his head and telling her that he wasn't finished with her and with a wave of his wand, Granger's clothes disappeared. She was completely naked. Another wave and she was bound. She cried, screamed, knew what was going to happen. Draco unbuttoned his trousers and kneeled in front of her.

Draco woke up screaming that night. Fled his dorm and spent the rest of the night reading in the Common Room, refusing to go back to sleep.

A knock on the door interrupted Draco's nap. With sleepy eyes, he stood up and opened the door just to see a first year standing in front of him.

"What exactly do you want to disrupt me?" he sneered at the young student. The boy looked terrified. Draco saw that the boy had a piece of parchment in his hands, which were nervously shaken.

"Is that for me?" he asked, pointing at the parchment. The boy just nodded and handed it over. Draco couldn't blink as fast as the boy run back to the Common Room. _Did he look that scary?_

Closing the door again, he enrolled the parchment and saw that it was a note from Granger.

 _Why hadn't she just owled him?_

Leaning against the door Draco read:

 _I would like to meet you at the Astronomy Tower after dinner if it's possible._

 _HG_

"That's it?" Draco said aloud. Moreover, how did she think he should reply to that?

He looked at his watch and groaned. He slept the whole day. It was nearly dinnertime.

Draco changed into some casual clothes and went up to the Great Hall. _Maybe Granger was already there?_

And he was right. Granger was already sitting with the She-Weasle at the Gryffindor table. Chatting and laughing. He went straight to his table and sat down, not really hungry even though he overslept lunch.

Draco glanced over and was immediately locked with a pair of hazel eyes. _Granger was watching him!_

She looked over with two raised eyebrows, clearly waiting for his answer. So he just nodded. Draco saw her smile and returning to her conversation with her friend.

A bit surprised he filled his plate with food. Glancing now and then over to Granger. His view was suddenly interrupted by Pansy who settled herself across from him.

"What's wrong with you, Drakie?" she asked. Draco winced. He hated when she called him _that_ and how often did he tell her not to? Often enough!

"It's none of your business!" he spat, not looking up. He didn't want to deal with his on and off _girlfriend_. Finishing his dinner, he looked at the Gryffindor table and saw that Granger was still eating. He waited for her to look over to him, strolled out and towards the Astronomy Tower. He had issues to go there but if Granger asked, he had to obey. He didn't know why, though, but he had to. He _wanted_ to!

Leaning against the railing, Draco thought back to that night the Headmaster died. His fault, again. Looking up at the sky, he fought back tears. _He was a Malfoy damn it! No emotions!_

A sudden noise alert him that Granger was coming up. He took a few deep breaths, tried to calm down.

"Thank you for coming, Malfoy" he heard her say. He didn't turn around, afraid that his eyes would be tearful. He didn't want her to see him broken. He just shrugged with his shoulders, telling her that he didn't mind.

"Is it hard for you to be here?" she suddenly asked. Draco gasped. _How did she_ _ **know**_ _?_

He was still afraid to open his mouth. _Did she asked him to come here to pay him all the insults back he spat at her? Was she_ _ **that**_ _cruel?_ But he still refused to answer. His hands started to shake. He wasn't furious, he was afraid.

He startled when he felt something at his back. Something warm and soft. He looked down and saw two small hands wrapped around him. _Was she hugging him?_

It felt warm and soothing. He wanted to turn around, sank down on the floor with her, cradle with her and cry. He wanted so badly to cry at that moment. So many things came crashing down on him and she comforted him. Maybe without knowing?

His whole body started to shake and he felt how Granger turned him around. Her hands left his waist. He looked down, afraid to look at those hazel eyes, afraid to see her smile at his broken state. He closed his eyes and felt her arms around his neck. She put his head on her shoulder and stroke his head. He broke. Falling onto his knees, Granger followed, not losing her grip on him, he cried. Cried like a small boy.

 **TBC**

 **SnapeEvans**


	4. Chapter 4

Weeks had passed after their encounter at the Astronomy Tower. Neither of them spoke to each other. Draco on the one hand felt ashamed that he had let himself break. And in front of Granger.

Hermione on the other hand didn't know how to approach Malfoy. She knew it was hard for him. But she never saw him in such a weak state. She had never see him weak at all.

 _What was she supposed to do about this situation? Should she talk to him after all? Or should she wait until_ _ **he**_ _approaches her?_

Weeks turned into months without further encounters. Hermione found herself often at the Astronomy Tower. Looking up in the night sky and silently crying. Little did she know that a certain blond wizard was watching her. Secretly hiding in the shadows. Not going over and comforting her like she did. He wasn't able to give comfort, he knew that and it defiantly wouldn't help her if he breaks down again while comforting her.

Seeing her that sad wasn't something Draco liked to see. He liked seeing her smile. But the moments he remembered her smile on the little occasions he saw that she never really meant it because her smiles never reached her eyes like they used to…before the war. He had to change it. He simply _had_ to. _But how?_

One day he bummed into Granger while looking for a book in the library. He supressed a sorry and quickly turned. Away from her. He couldn't face her. Of course, he told her everything and she even saw him cry. But it was too much for him looking into her eyes and seeing pity. _He didn't need her pity. He could handle things himself, thank you.  
_ Draco didn't get far away from her because she caught up with him while he was nearly sprinting down to the dungeons.

"Damn it, Malfoy!" he heard her shout. "Wait just a second!" He stopped. Turned around and watched Granger catching her breath. He tried to look annoyed but his curiosity got the better of him. He didn't ask what she wanted. He just waited for her to say it herself.

Granger looked around. _Was she afraid of being seen with him?_

"Look Malfoy" she started. "I don't want to…I don't want someone eavesdropping." Draco's puzzled expression meant that Granger needed to explain.

"I want to talk to you about the things you told me and…" she drifted off but Draco knew immediately that she was referring to what happened at the Astronomy Tower. He took her hand and led her towards the Slytherin Common Room, knowing that no one would question him, except of Pansy, but her he could handle.

When he muttered the Password and walked into the Common Room, still holding Granger's hand, he looked around not seeing someone he might explain to and walked straight to his dormitory. Granger following behind.

When he walked into his shared room, he found Pansy sitting on his bed. With one of his white school shirts covering her naked body. He assumed that Pansy was naked underneath. She did it many times during the years they were dating. Pushing Granger behind his back so that she won't see Pansy, he motioned for the naked girl on his bed to leave.

Pressing Granger behind his back, he watched as Pansy got dressed, a sad expression on her face and Draco could swear that that black haired girl was about to cry. That was before she started speaking, clearly recognizing the girl behind him, so he thought.

"You found someone else to shag?" Draco felt Granger shifted behind him. He pressed her even harder against him, telling her with his body to stay put. Thank Merlin she listened.

"I don't see if that would be any of your business considering that we are not dating anymore," Draco said through gritted teeth. Pansy was about to say something else but Draco nearly yelled at her to get out.

Closing the door after Pansy, Draco put a few charms around the door so no one would come in.

He motioned Granger to sit on his bed and walked to the window. Of course, he just saw the Black Lake cause the dungeons were built beneath it but it was still a better view than looking into Granger's eyes.

"You know. I thought it would be hard to tell you" Draco started, not waiting for Granger to open her mouth. "But I needed to get it out of my system. I couldn't tell anyone, thought, because I knew that no one would understand me. I still feel guilty for the things that happened to you at my house but I can't make them undone. I wish I could."

Granger stood up and Draco felt her behind him. He couldn't let that happen again. It was hard for him to let it happen the first time he clearly didn't want it to happen a second time. He turned around and faced her. He got her by surprise. Crossing his arms over his chest, he continued.

"I wanted you to see that it was a hard time for me as well. That I see things different now. I wanted _you_ to understand me. That I broke that one night. I didn't mean it to happen. I didn't want you to see me weak."

"I'm not telling anyone" she cut in.

"I know you wouldn't. I still feel…ashamed that it happened. But I felt so…different at that moment. I can't really tell you how good it felt. Like as if any guilt I had was suddenly gone. I felt relieved."

Granger had a small smile spreading across her face. Again, they weren't reaching her eyes.

"We don't need to talk about it if you don't feel comfortable." She said. The smile not leaving her face. Draco took her hand and let her to his bed. Sitting down Draco kicked off his shoes and sat cross-legged on the bed.

Trying to change the subject, Granger asked him, why he brought her to his room when they could simply be sitting in some of the empty classrooms. Draco laid down, crossed his arms over his head and tried to explain.

"I actually thought that it would be more comfortable. Besides it wasn't that far away from where we were standing."

He eyed her. She looked curious. He was a bit surprised when he saw that she too, kicked off her shoes and sat next to his waist. Of course she knew not to sit cross legged because he would see her underwear. She was wearing the school uniform.

"And what was that thing with Pansy?" she asked, not looking at him.

Draco chuckled. _Really? That curious?_

"Nothing. It was really nothing"

"It didn't look like nothing. She _was_ jealous because you had obviously brought someone else into your room."

"And still it's none of her business. We aren't dating anymore. Except those occasion when she offers me herself. But if I want to bring someone else. .."

Granger got it and kept silent for a while.

They were both kept in their own thoughts.

"What do you think will happen now?" Granger suddenly asked.

"What do you mean?" Draco responded. „Do you mean _us_?"

Granger just nodded, still not looking at him. Draco had to think about his answer. He didn't know what she thought about it. Maybe that what he wanted was not what she wanted? "I don't know" he truthfully said, "what would you like to happen between us?"

"I would like to get to know you better" Granger blurred out. "Ok" Draco smiled. That's what he thought, too.

"What would you like to know?" he asked, "besides the obvious things." He grinned. He liked that idea. _At least they could try a friendship._

"You know. _Besides the obvious things_ I would like to know more about your childhood outside Hogwarts."

Draco had actually to think about it. Besides the facts that his father had brainwashed him during his childhood there was nothing special about it. He did had everything he ever asked for but he didn't consider that as a happy childhood. His mother always tried to make him happy but Draco just always wanted to impress his father. Riding his first broom at age 7, performing non – verbal spells at age 4 - so his mother had told him. Besides that nothing, he could tell Granger.

Therefore, he looked up to the girl sitting willingly on his bed.

"I actually don't know what to tell you. My childhood is nothing I like to remember. You know that my father brainwashed me since the moment I understood what he said. But apart from that,… my mother loves me and still tries to make sure I have everything I need. If she could have been able to say a word against my father I think my childhood would be a bit different."

Granger looked thoughtful but didn't add something to it.

"What about you?" Draco asked. He was eager to know more about the little know-it-all Gryffindor princess.

"Not as happy as I would like it to be." She said without looking at him. "I didn't really had friends before Hogwarts. I was always bullied because I was different. The children in my neighbourhood always ignored me. Even my cousins never liked to spend time with me. So I spent most of my time looked up from everyone. It changed a bit after I received my letter to Hogwarts. My parents were thrilled and proud. And when I returned over Christmas the first year they were eager to know everything that had happened. And while we spent the holidays at one of my aunts I hadn't felt lonely once because I knew I have friends waiting for me to come back."

Draco didn't look at her.

So Granger didn't have a peaceful childhood. What had he thought? She had been exposed to magic maybe at the same age he was. Doing first little spells. And she was a muggleborn. So there was no one to show her for eleven years.

They chatted over two hours without spending too much time on one topic.

A suddenly knock on the door shot them down and both looked surprised to the door. The inferior knocked a second time. Frightened Granger looked to Draco who looked as frightened as she did.

Without a second thought, Granger closed the curtains at one side and hid behind them. Draco stood up and opened the door. He was surprised to see Pansy standing in front of it, holding her right hand up to knock a third time. "What do you want?" Draco snapped at her. Pansy jumped nearly at his attitude and faced the floor. "I'm sorry" she muttered, "I didn't mean to be upset. I know we're not dating anymore but…" she trailed of and tried to look into the room. Draco blocked her view looked a bit bitter and closed the door again.

"I think I should leave" he heard Granger say. He didn't want her to leave but knew that at one point he had to. Draco smiled, looked back into the corridor and escorted Granger to the Entrance of the Common Room. Lucky that not so many students were sitting in the room. Most of them were first or second years. They said their good nights and headed in different directions.

Back in his dormitory, Draco thought back to the previous few hours he had spent with Granger. He liked her company. She was smart and could easily catch up everything he said. He knew that he couldn't expect more than friendship with the Gryffindor princess, not that he wanted to. His father was maybe already looking for the next Misses Malfoy. Draco perfectly knew he wouldn't be able to marry for love. Granger could. Again, he smiled a said smile. _She was probably head over heels with Weasle._ He heard the rumours. He had seen them in Diagon Alley last summer. They looked happy. He wished he could be happy one day. With his future wife…and son.

He hear the door open and one of his roommates walked in. Draco didn't bother to say something to the young man; he closed the curtains around his bed and laid down, trying to sleep. Before drifting off his thoughts were surrounded by the beautiful young witch he past hours with. He smiled and fell peacefully asleep.

 **TBC**

 **SnapeEvans**


End file.
